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Beware - Hater Alert
By Kim | January 20, 2008
Beware of your Haters. We all have them. What is a Hater? A Hater is a person who does not like you and wants to expose your flaws or knock you down a notch or two. Whether we admit it or not, we all have people who dislike us or want to make us feel less worthy. That’s life. Unfortunately, many people tend to react emotionally to Haters. Personally, I’ve learned to deal with them as irritants forcing me to grow into a better person.
Do I always take the high road when dealing with a Hater. No. I sometimes become emotionally charged and ready to strike back (depending on how I’m being attacked). It’s Human Nature to defend ourselves against ill will. The problem surfaces because expending negative energy to deal with negativity often brings us down. With me, I am emotionally drained when I stoop to a Haters’ level.This is why my pursuit of personal growth proves invaluable. I’m learning to better control my emotions and reactions.
Since I know a Hater receives gratifcation by making me miserable, I’ve often changed my strategy to throw the Hater off balance. First, I’ve learned to pay closer attention to my emotional reactions. When I allow my emotions to rule me I do not think as clearly. I’m more apt to lash out and react which usually makes the situation worse. When this happens I’m feeding the Haters’ negative energy and giving up my personal power. Know this, to conquer a Hater you must keep your wits about you.
Keep your Hater close, at least until you can figure out his/her game. Observe your Hater and his/her strategies to hurt you. Sometimes the damage is subtle. For example, when I decided to seriously pursue losing weight,a so-called friend ridiculed my efforts and broadcasted the days I give into my sweet tooth. She implied if I wasn’t discipline emough to lose weight then I wasn’t discipline enough to take on the responsibilities of a new job. She planted many negative seeds to people who influenced a promotional opportunity available to me. This so-called friend was really a Hater. Of course, some Haters are not so subtle preferring a more blatant attack.
As hard as it may seem…be civil to your Hater. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “kill your enemies with kindness.” While I’m not suggesting you become a pushover or allow yourself to be victimized, I’ve suggesting you be smart. Study your situation and then plan your strategy. I’ve personally learned that a Hater is often thrown off track when his/her victim appears unfazed. Therefore use a cool, calm, and collected approach is best. Besides, a cool head will help you prevail - see your options more clearly.
Confronting a Hater:
Do you confront this person who is causing you so much grief? It depends on the situation and the person. Is this person usually a reasonable person? Are they really a coward? Are they a bully? Did you do something to provoke this person? Is there a win-win solution available?
Sometimes confronting the Hater is enough to make the person leave you alone. Some people hate on you because they simply know they can. I strongly recommend you get a feel for the Hater you’re dealing with before a confrontation.
Striking Back:
Another option is to strike back. Maybe this person is spreading rumors about you. Or maybe this person broadcast your flaws and mistakes to make you look bad and incompetent. I strongly recommend that you think of the risks and consequences of stooping to this level. I can honestly admit that I have taken this route and put a few Haters in their proper place. However, I never felt good afterwards. I’ve even felt ashamed, especially if there was a better way to handle the situation.
Walk Away:
Sometimes the best option is simply to walk away. Leave the Hater alone to hate. After all, he or she is known for what they are ….. a Hater. This is the best option when the Hater is not doing you any harm. More than likely, the Hater is living up to the low opinion that others have of him or her. People will probably chalk up his/her actions to jealously and spite. Besides, some people are just negative.
To summarize, be aware of the Haters. Stay alert, cool, calm, and collected. If you can do this…..you’ll learn to deal with haters effectively.
Topics: Interpersonal Skills, Personal Growth, Personal Success, Problem Solving, people skills |
